"Cheryl-Chiswick + murder "already has 231,000 google entries, most of them mistakes. "A Halloween Prank Gone Horribly Wrong?" asks one newspaper about an entirely unrelated murder in Preston Lancs, of a young woman obsessed with Cher.

But Peter Churlish, determined to begin his career of Private Investigator (Should he change his first name to Damien, Mitch?) presses on, until he has tracked down the name of Cheryl's boyfriend/alleged killer - Tom Smith - and the pub he drinks in when not under arrest.

There's a celebration in progress when Churlish arrives... Tom Smith has been released! No evidence against him, apparently. It seems he might not have been Cheryl's lover in the first place. Our fledgling Private Investigator is pleased his initial instincts were right - but miffed that there is no longer a Wrongly Accused that needs his name cleared (and might give our Churlish a fee).

Still, someone must have killed Cheryl, who had such a saucy smile.

At that moment, a vanload of policeman charge into the pub.