Where the Rainbow Begins

A romantic dinner for two.  They have reached the point in the meal when normally he would order a second bottle of champagne, but this evening he feels uneasy, upset.  To be honest, a little angry as well.

She squeezes his hands across the table.  "Of course I love you darling," she says.  He can barely see her eyes through the flame of the candle.  "That's what you pay me for."

Glaciers move,
But blinking is not enought to see them.
Here comes the perfect storm,
Halfway down the spine the perfect itch.
Patience, my friend, and so on
All things must pass etc.
Slime moves slowly to obliterate the ditch.

Life is tralala and foolish,
Half effort, a third deep breathing,
Happiness is not always always rich.
Fantasies abound but so as well Big Macs,
Faith can heal, faith can drive bananas,
And lime might take forever
To rot the the useless corpses...
When the retching stops
It might all and all be better
If you snitch.

Once upon a time there was an elephant called Carruthers.

He hated his name, and so he went to the zoo keeper to ask if it could be changed to something more engaging, like Thump or Woosh.

But the zoo keeper said, "as long as you're in this zoo you go the name I've given you.  Carruthers was the name of my uncle's butler and you look a bit like him."

What's a butler, daddy?

So Carruthers got into a huff and a puff and broke out of the zoo and went to live in the jungle...

There isn't any jumgle in England! There won't be till it's hot enough

I didn't say the zoo was in England, Sam.  Now listen to the rest of  the story.  Anyway Carruthers the elephant had lots of sleep and woke up and did a lot of thinking.

Is there jungle in the Channel Islands, daddy?

No, I'll explain later  Well Carruthers thought and thought and decided that he didn't mind being called Carruthers after all, in fact it was a quite distinguished name, so he went back to the zoo and resumed his life in the cage.

Is that the end of the story?

Er, well while he was away, the zoo keeper had been sacked for letting Carruthers escape.  And the new zoo keeper didn't believe in giving animals stupid human names.  All the elephants were names in size order, and Carruthers was renamed Elephant No 2 because he was slightly smaller than Lucy.

Daddy, I think that is the silliest, stupidist story you have ever ever told me.

What do you know?  You were invented for the purpose of this post. Now go to sleep.

"The gors anew, the pilly flew
The arrig cogged a leber
His face was round, his olid sound
His Facebook denned, now cholic.

A pace to stay, to stay away
Though rancid was the ekta
Still onomatapeic cramp
Elsysiumed his his sphincter."

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This morning,(actually a few days ago - you may have already read this on my other blog) I went down the seashore for only the second time since arriving.  Of course it was much warmer than it's been - and I suddenly felt good about myself and where I'm living.

I was down on the beach looking for a fishmonger's a friend had told me about.  And lo & behold, under one of the arches below the promenade, I found a small, rotund fisherman, complete with nearby fishing boat.  He only sells locally caught fish, and I bought a plaice, which he filleted, for £2.

It was still early.  I walked back through side streets to Bill's, where I had breakfast and too much black coffee.

At a table near me, a woman stood upt to go - and spilled a whole lot of stuff, including a sugar bowl, on the floor.  It made a extraordinary amount of noise.  A waitress rushed over, produced a pistol and shot the unfortunate customer. There was remarkably little blood to see before she collapsed. 

I wouldn't have thought it was legal to shoot someone on so litlle provocation.  Anyway, obviously the staff were used to incidents like this, because two uniformed flunkies rushed over with a body bag and quickly disposed of the corpse....